Story: Mario lost recently his job. He was not very focus since he was having problems at home and he got fired. Frustration came up very fast, everything was black at that moment: no incomes to pay the rent, the car, enjoy life with friends, go out, go on holidays, etc. He decided to stay at home, he decided to close his eyes, he decided to see all black. - There is not black nor white in this world. Everything is gray. If you think you are stuck in black or white is just because you are not willing to see all the possibilities out there.-
All my life I have been wondering about the origin of the sentence: "Not everything is black and white" but unfortunately I could not find it. Since I do not agree with it and I could not find where it comes from, I would like that everyone forgets about it.
It does not matter what you are talking about, what you are facing or what you are watching, there is always another point of view that you need to take into consideration. I will put two very different examples of situation where you might need to open your mind to see the whole picture. Opening your mind is a sign of strength, being flexible to switch your point of view as desired is a very powerful tool and in my experience, reachable only for a very few.
Before going to the examples In this blog I would like to teach you just one technique to make that happen, to be capable of switching your mind wherever you want.
First of all you need to understand that (simplified) there are 8 basic pillars in life. A detailed explanation will come but for now you just need to know which are them:
1. Emotional: As human beings, we do need to create/have good relationships
2. Environmental: We are affected by the material things that surround us, clothes, cars, houses, etc.
3. Financial: Current and future financial situations
4. Intellectual: Everyone likes to learn new things to feel personal growth and development
5. Occupational: Personal satisfaction and enrichment from one’s work
6. Physical: The way we look like, the things that we eat, the time that we sleep…
7. Social: Helping other people makes you happier
8. Spiritual: Expanding a sense of purpose and meaning in life
Once you know the existence of them, I will tell you the small secret/technique about how to switch your mind and open it.
1. Each problem attacks only one pillar, but can be resolved by all of them.
BOOM! Now the thing gets interesting, because now you realized that the problem that you have is not that big if you compare it in the right way. But the thing does not end here, when I say that one problem attacks one pillar, I do not mean the whole of it, I mean just one small area of it. What does it mean? The following:
2. Each problem creates new opportunities to improve all of your pillars.
BOOM (x2)! That means that you are able to grow in the pillar where your problem is or in all others. Let's jump into the examples:
Example 1: You are trying to lose weight without success. This is a common problem where your mind focus only on the numbers and how they vary day to day. This affects the pillar of Physical (6), and you are only able to see that you are not looking like you would like. Let's switch your mind.
1. Emotional. Are you doing your workout alone? Could you meet new/old people and complain together about how tough it is while having fun? When was the last time that you visit your family and told them how much you love them? Or the last time you surprised your partner?
There are a lot of people willing to help, distract or cheer you up while you are achieving your goal.
2. Environmental. Were you thinking about buying new furniture or repairing old ones? Why you did not start it? Were would you buy your second house? Mountain or beach? How was the last time you renew your make-up kit or your geek kit?
You could see that like an opportunity to catch up with wishes that you had, or even buying some workout stuff that you can train whenever you want.
3. Financial. Are you saving some money just eating salads? That would be great news right? Would you be willing to earn some extra money starting a new project? Why not?
Money is always welcome, so you can start trying to save/make more money with new projects non-physical related or you can also look for another gym or count the money that you are saving with the diet.
4. Intellectual. When was the last time that you learnt something? Why don't you start a new training? It could be related to food or to your hobby or whatever makes you happy.
Learning new stuff is always very pleasant. You can learn how to achieve your goal and solve your problem in a better way or just learn new, non-related things that will save your some problems in the future.
5. Occupational. How are things at work? Are you enjoying it (you should)? Did your boss give you good feedback recently but you just forgot it?
People were proud of your last work, they even thanked you. You are about to close successfully one client or one project where you have been working for weeks.
6. Physical. Are you learning a lot about workout without even noticing it? Did you notice how much fast food we were eating? Were you sleeping enough before your problem?
You are working your
ass off very hard to lose weight, but you are not realizing that apart from doing that (what is already fantastic), you are learning things that you did not even imagine. Now you know how the body works, you are even more fit and healthier than before.
7. Social. When was the last time that you helped somebody? Did you know him/her? How do you feel when someone thanks you something with a smile?
Helping people is very satisfying. Being mean or not caring about others is very easy, but help others without a second interest is sign of awesomeness. You should be proud.
8. Spiritual. Are you proud of how your life is going so far? Would you be able to show off with something in your life?
Life is more than eating, working and sleeping. Life is meant to be enjoyed, to have a meaning. You need to start finding it out.
Example 2: Your boss is
an asshole questionable but you need this job.
1. Emotional. How are the rest of the colleagues doing? And your friends with their bosses? Did you tell your problems somebody? Did you talk directly with your boss?
You are not the only one in this situation, look for support, look for laughs, try to improve in the pillar where your problem is affecting.
2. Environmental. When was the last time that you bought something for yourself? Any present you received? Which is the next thing you would love to buy? Or you prefer to build something by your own?
Buying/building new things is sometimes very recommended. It changes your point of view, you need to focus on other things. It cheers you up.
3. Financial. Are you earning enough for the job you are doing? Could you save some money in things that you are not using?
If you "need this job" is your excuse, it might be that you are spending way too much money in things you do not need. Take a look into your financials and try to fix them that you do not have any dependences.
4. Intellectual. Have you thought about learning another language? What about this scuba diving lessons that everyone is talking about?.
New trainings will help you always, not matter what. You can learn new things to try to solve your problem faster, or to escape from your problem with some distractions.
5. Occupational. Why is your boss complaining about you? If you do not know a proper reason you should talk with him/her. Could you do it better or he/she should? Have you collected other opinions about your work? What are they saying?
When somebody complains about something is just a point of view. When everybody complains about something you might need to take a closer look and find out why and what can be done.
6. Physical. Are you making some workout to de-stress yourself? Are you getting enough sleep that you can perform well at work? When was the last time you ordered/cooked your favorite meal?
If you feel good with yourself, you will face problems from a strong position and not from a weak one.
7. Social. Is your boss having a bad time? Could you help him and put aside your differences at work? Would that help? What about helping your partner with his/her problems?
Sometimes forgetting about yourself is a good way to help yourself. Try to talk and help people and in some way you will get positive things back. You will learn how the people get stuck in the same thoughts and you might realize you were doing the same.
8. Spiritual. Life is not about working but enjoying right? Why so stuck in job related issues?
Remember that the most important time in the world is the time you use for yourself.
As you can see, there is nothing that affects only one area. Therefore, the only thing that exists is gray and how far are you willing to see. If you have a problem and currently you are seeing everything black, stop it. Think about the other areas and how they can help you to solve the problem. You do not want to think about the problem? That's fine, think about how the other areas are making you happy and how can you improve them even more.
Black is not your case but white? Did you meet somebody who looks absolutely perfect? Well, let's say that you are not able to see all his/her pillars. What might seem white in some aspect, can be very black in others. Let's say it does not matter how it seems, we all know, everything is gray.
My advice: Remember that black and white is the life seen through a hole but gray is when you open the door, step outside and look around.
Story: Mario lost recently his job. He was not very focus since he was having problems at home and he got fired. Frustration came up very fast, everything seemed black at that moment, but he knew everything was just gray. He updated his very old resume and started to look for jobs where he did not need a car. He invited old friends home to have a chat and talk about the situation and if somebody could help. He started to watch tutorials about things he loved. The situation changed soon and he got a better job because he decided to fight for it, he decided not to give up, he decided to see al gray. - There is not black nor white in this world. Everything is gray. If you think you are stuck in black or white is just because you are not willing to see all the possibilities out there.-