Story: And that was it, everything went wrong. Mario was having a very bad time because every pillar in his life was wobbling. He had a lot of accumulated work, that caused him some stress and therefore he could not sleep well. Thus, he could not rest properly and he did not perform well at work. In addition he was trying to lose weight, but he got injured training too much and sleeping too less, and with the stress at work, he had food anxiety. Solution? He decided to do workout anyways because he wanted to lose weight, he tried to work harder to get rid off the delays, he tried to control his food anxiety with healthy hypocaloric diet. Result? His injured got worse, he could not sleep, his performance decreased and finally he collapsed. - Life is not always easy, sometimes everything that can go wrong, does. It is here when you need the following technique (SBSP): Stop, Back, Split, Proceed. -
I decided to write this entry when a client of mine came one day with the following words: "
Fuck it I quit, life is just messing with me". During the session, he explained me that everything in his life was going wrong. He tried all kind of techniques that he already knew, but: "Mario, that is very beautiful in theory but life is harder than that"
Sometimes life hits you in so many ways that you don't even know what is hurting the most or where is everything coming from. Most of the coaching techniques use to be very useful in a limited scenario, where you can focus 100% on what needs to be done. But life is not always that easy, it's not always that fair, is it?
SBSP (Stop, Back, Split and Proceed) is a technique that I created to be able to handle all these moments in life when everything seems to go wrong, when you are trying your best to overcome the adversity but something new knock you down, and when you are still on the ground wondering what just happened, you get another one to finally end in a knockout. Let's avoid these situation!
1. [S]top: First things first. You do need to understand that stopping is not the same as giving up. I need you to read that sentence so many times as you need until you fully agree with it.
Why am I telling you this? Because you reached a point where you need to stop. You are in a situation where trying harder will make everything even worse and I will tell you why with a very good example. Let's imagine you standing in front of a table. There are two balls falling at that exact moment and you need to catch them. I guess you would be able to, you could even catch three if they fall from the same side. Now imagine that there are not only two, there are seven. All of them rolling in different directions and about to fall. Would you now be able to catch all of them? What would happen if you try it? And if you try it again? and again?
My point here is that you do need to understand when is a good time to stop trying. That does not make you a loser, that does not mean that you are giving up, that does not mean that you were not good enough, that does not mean anything of that. It does mean that you need to be smart. It does mean that you need to stop. Stop for what? To step back.
2. [B]ack: If you were able to stop trying you already gave a very big step forwards. If you keep trying too much, you will get nothing but exhausted and incapable of anything. So it's time to step back, it's time to see the whole picture.
How many times you see people stuck in something? They try and try and get frustrated and try and get more frustrated. But this situation is very easy to identify when you are not the person involved. That's why this second point of the technique is so important. You do need to step back, you do need to visualize what is currently happening, what are all those problems that are just happening at the same time, because they are there and they were the reason you almost collapsed.
My point here is that you need to stop thinking and start understanding. Stepping back will help you to get a whole picture of what's happening, to see all the variables in the equation instead of just seeing through the tunnel where you were stuck. Gathering all the information about the current situation will provide you with the possibility of being able to identify and split.
3. [S]plit: Wow! You were not only able to stop the stubbornness, but to step back to analyze what was really happening. Now you are getting to the most difficult part of the technique. You do need to be able to postpone some problems and deal with the consequences later. This is the point where most of the people fail. They try to solve, again, everything at once. They forget why they ended in this situation. With the whole picture in mind they try to make a perfect plan to avoid the apocalypse. They try to jump onto the table and catch the seven balls at once. They obviously fail.
What if you don't try again to solve everything at one? Then you are willing to make the hardest decision. You need to choose one isolated problem and forget all the others. This sounds very easy but is very hard to achieve. Here is where our right hemisphere wants to play a little game called: 'I am a loser'. It tries to persuade you that you are not good enough and that's why you should not split the problems but fix all of them that you don't need to deal with consequences.
My point here is that splitting the problems will make them solvable. Catching the seven balls at the same time is impossible. You need to choose one based on your own criteria, which one is more important, which one has smaller consequences, which one is more urgent, which one bothers you the most, whatever. It's your call. Once you make it, it's time to proceed.
4. [P]roceed: Amazing! You did make the most difficult part. Now it's time to stop thinking and start doing. You have chosen the best problem to solve, you have agreed that all others can wait for the sake of success. You will deal with the others after you are happy with the one you selected.
What will happen with the other ones? You do not need to care. You have chosen one, you need to proceed with it until you are satisfied with the outcome.
My point here is that sometimes you see relations between the problems and you try again to group and solve which is sometimes going backwards instead of forward. You already decided to split them and proceed with only one. So unless is crystal clear, you should not try to do more. Just focus on that one, get a little bit boost of endorphins and a problem less to worry about. It is better to take a small step forward than to try a big leap only to stumble backwards.
So if you made until here you will win this war. I am completely sure and so should you. You just need to remember two of the most famous quotes ever:
'Divide et impera' (Divide and conquer)
'Des-pa-cito' (Take it easy)
Story: And that was it, everything went wrong. Mario was having a very bad time because every pillar in his life was wobbling. He had a lot of accumulated work, that caused him some stress and therefore he could not sleep well. Thus, he could not rest properly and he did not perform well at work. In addition he was trying to lose weight, but he got injured training too much and sleeping too less, and with the stress at work, he had food anxiety. Solution? He decided to stop, to take a minute and think which problem should he solve first. His job was the most important thing at that moment. He stopped the workout until he would recover. He slept enough and ate normal. He focused on what mattered more. Result? He got rid off accumulated work, he decreased his stress levels. He took a break with workout and healthy diet, what was useful him to recover and brought him new energy to start with the second problem once the first one was solved. - Life is not always easy, sometimes everything that can go wrong, does. It is here when you need the following technique (SBSP): Stop, Back, Split, Proceed. -